Top 10 Worst Cars Ever (sold in the USA)

Cars are for the most part pretty good these days. Yeah, there are a few duds (like anything built by Ssangyong Motors) but for the most part cars will get you from Point A to Point B without too much drama. The list below? These were some pretty crappy cars fostered on the American car buying public. Have fun reading and let me know if you agree. OH and buy my books (The Driver Book I and Book II) : it's a fun read and I promise none of the cars listed below and in the book. Hmmm, but then again, maybe they would make for a great crash scene. Anyway, here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005HJ2QLA

10. Tie: Ferrari Mondial / Lamborghini Uracco: gorgeous buy useless. How could something so right be so wrong? Easy – late 70’s / Early 80’s emissions and safety had conspired to hamstring all the Italian stallions. The Mondial was not well thought out. Ferrari wanted a mid-engined car that be the stop gap between the big 12-cylinder mid-engined supercar (Testarossa) and the lithe 328i.  The Lambo? Well they were underfunded and in between owners…for a change. It was a beautiful car that really sucked (and don’t get me started on the Jalpa…).

9. Ford Pinto: What!? besides the concrete fact that ANY rear end accident resulted in an EXPLOSION? Well the Pinto was just wrong on so many levels. It was what a shameful FoMoCo fosters on an unsuspecting American public when the middle-east turned off the oil tap. Shameful.

8. Fiat Strada: Fiat’s were terrible in the US, but the Strada was the terribleist (is that evan a word?). It was plasticky, flimsy, had AC what was marginal at best (and at worst blew really hot air) and had HUGE ugly bumpers that hung off the front AND rear. Oh and it stranded me constantly when the clutch cable broke. I took to keeping an extra one if the trunk.

7. Chevy Vega: See Ford Pinto above, but the GM version. They did have the Cosworth Vega, but that hardly counts.

6. Cadillac Catera: The Caddy that Zings. Yes that was what their clever advertising said about this turd. It was a rebadged Opel when Opel’s were really bad. Sucks for the 6 people that bought one. I laugh at them (and whoever is driving it) when I see them on the road.

5. Chevy SSR: It’s a truck, but not really. It’s a sports car...maybe not so much. Or is it a clever convertible with a very large pickup shaped trunk? I hope not! What it really is…a piece of sh$t. Yet another terrible vehicle (cannot call it either a car or truck or convertible) that GM has fostered on the automotive buying public.

4. Bricklin SV1: Well it did have cool powered gull wing doors (the DeLorean had manual doors). Malcolm Bricklin tried to make a cool sports car, a safe one too (hence the name S-Safe, V-Vehicle, 1-well one...). Too bad it weighed more than it’s Ford motor could handle. It was slow, it overheated and cost $16,000 to build (but was sold to dealers for $5000). Hmmm, based on the economic model, was this maybe a Soviet car? No, just a bad one. Too bad Canada gets the bum rap on this one.

3. AMC Gremlin: See Ford Pinto and Chevy Vega above. AMC was slowly (or maybe not so slowly) going broke. Their answer to the fuel crisis of 1973 – the Gremlin. No wonder they went out of business.

2. Yugo GV: This was maybe the worst car to ever be sold in the US. Motors would fall out, doors would fall off, handles would snap off. And what was when the car was sitting still. Or as the guys building them at the factory called it – Monday.

1. Pontiac Aztek: Pontiac is no longer with us. This is the reason why. All those great cars of the 50’s and 60’s came to naught because of this crapper. GTO’s, Grand Prix’s, Bonneville’s – all reduced to a footnote in history. Why? Tom Peters designed it saying it was to point to the future direction of GM’s styling. Thank GOD that did not happen. But this did and I am sorry and try to avert my eyes every time I see one on the road. I know that some folks think it is cool because it was on Breaking Bad. Sorry but Walter White will never make this cool, forget revisionist history, this thing should remain in the scrap heap of history.

Finally! THE DRIVER BOOK II-Training is now available on Amazon

Your patience has been rewarded! The second book in The Driver series is now available on Amazon. You can still buy Book I (and please do), just click the link and buy my book!

The Driver Book II-Training Kindle eBook

Marc Lange knows how to drive a race-car at the edge—that fine line between victory and catastrophe. But his team is only one blown engine away from shuttering the doors and his dreams of championships hang in that precarious balance. But then, at the last possible second, Rene Dufour slides into his life in a crazy four-wheel drift.

Rene made a deal with Marc. He would fund the team if Marc did something for him in return. Rene showed him his world, the world of a Driver, a shadowy group of paid mercenaries that take people or things from point A to point B. Off the grid, off the radar, but with one important distinction: no questions asked. 

The deal with Rene almost got Marc killed. He barely survived, but when he counted up the piles of Euros stacked in front of him he knew his fate was sealed. “The Driver - Book II” picks up on the action right where “Book I” leaves off. Now Marc is in training to be a Driver. Training that will save his life. But is he ready?

It is hard to keep a good man down…

You know, for the first time in many years, I was Porscheless. Is that a word? It could be. Denoting not having a Porsche in your garage, not having that wonderful sound of a flat –six motor fill your ears when you mash the go pedal. Could probably go on, but I think you get the point. I was now the proud owner of an Audi A3, but at least an Audi A3 with the very cool paddle shifting DSG transmission. DSG (which is short for a very long sounding and technical German name) means that the clutch is automated and there are two input shafts for the gears. Actually, more or less it is two transmissions housed in one case. You may think that everything should be double the size, but those smart German engineers figured out a way to make every thing fit, but all the gears and shifty bits are really tiny. You do not want to have to take apart one of these things without a very good manual. A very, very good manual. Well, to be frank, you do not want to ever have to take one of these things apart ever. So when you are driving with the DSG and you have a gear engaged, the other shaft is spinning, ready to slam home in the next gear you choose. It is pretty quick too. OK, OK, since you insist…DSG stands for Direkt-Schalt-Getriebe.

Today a lot of serious car manufacturers use DSG or something close to it – VW, Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini, Bentley, Bugatti, Maserati, Aston Martin - pretty much all the bigs. But in 2006, there were just a few and my A3 was one of them. It was white with tan leather interior and the sports package (DUH!) with sports seats and other sporting stuff that was supposed to make a 4-door semi sports wagon feel well…sporty. You may sense vagueness here, like I was not convinced about its sporting pretentions. I wasn’t. It was very small on the inside with basically zero back seat leg room (can you imagine my 6’7” son trying to wedge himself back there? Neither can I.) But it was pretty quick and did have some aggressive Dunlop rubber. But a track car? Ahhh, not so much. Trust me, I tried it on the track…twice. Not that it was not bad, but it did not replace the feeling of the Porsche. Any Porsche… In the photo below, you can see (kinda) the small silver paddles behind the center spokes of the steering wheel.

The first time I ran it on the track, on my Birthday no less, I finished the track event and headed home. Since it is a front driver (also known as Front Wheel Drive), there is more weight over the front axle and unless you get all the braking done before you turn in, it wants to push or understeer. That means as you turn the steering wheel, the car wants to go straight. After a bit of time, you adjust your braking and turn-in points and get used to it. A couple of days later, the low oil light came on the dash. Immediately I stopped the car and checked the oil level. Bummer, it was at the lowest point on the dip stick. I bought a quart of Castrol Syntec 5W-40 and added it to bring the level back to normal. Then I realized, that the 2 liter Turbo motor used a lot of oil at the track. I should have know and would not make that mistake again.

I do remember giving a guy in a Boxster S fits in the Audi, he just could not pull me. I was on his rear bumper lap after lap. When doing a track event or track day, the slower car is supposed to let the faster car (in this case my A3) pass him on a approved passing area like a longish straight. But he never acknowledged the waving blue flags with diagonal strips, the passing flag. If it is being waved at you, it means that there is a faster car behind and you should let them pass. It is also called the invisible flag, I think the Boxster S guy was in this category, he never saw it. Although I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have been very upset that a slower car would not let his Porsche pass. It kind of reminded me of the old joke about Porsches – goes something like this: What is the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche. The Porsche has the prick is on the inside. Wait a minute…I am a Porsche guy. Hmmm, maybe that does not apply to all of us. I went to talk to him about his on track manners after the session, but since it was the last one, he exited the track, headed for the exit and just kept on going. I complained to the folks that ran the event and they did not seem to care too much either, saying that it was the last session of the day and all. Have not been back to an event they run.

So I ended up toasting the set of OEM Dunlop tires on the car and replaced them with very sticky rubber Falken Azenis RT-615’s but as usual, new tires on one of our cars means that its days are numbered. About the same time, we started having massive AC issues with the car. Had to have the compressor replaced 4 times in less than 3 months. I tried to get Audi to do something about it, like extending my warranty on the AC system, but they said fat chance. We traded it, I mean literally. Picked it up from the service drive, went to the front of the dealership, found another car that we liked and got rid of it that same day. It was still under warranty so figured that Audi would no doubt fix the issues before they resold it.

The Sales guy that handled the trade ended up buying it for his wife. I found out later that he got rid of it too, something about the AC not working correctly. Go figure.

And on that exhaust note, see you all next time.

Bromance, a modern tale or my irrational love of Formula 1

1977 and a high-school buddy turned me on to a magazine that I had never seen before called Road &Track. I am sure that the magazine went on to extol the virtues of the newest Porsche 911 Turbo or Ferrari Daytona but what I remember was the Formula 1 coverage; tiny, really fast cars with huge slick racing tires, giant wings and stickered with sponsor logos from nose to tail. They raced in faraway places such as Brazil, Monaco and Japan and had an international cast of drivers including American racing hero Mario Andretti.

In the 70’s and early 80’s you could tune into ABC’s Wide World of Sports and hear Jim McKay talk about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I prayed that every week they would show just a little of Formula 1 and sometimes they did - rough editing, grainy footage and all too short segments at maybe 15 minutes long, the announcers recapping the whole race. The drivers just looked different, exotic, almost like rock stars. And they were, across the pond. Guys like Niki Lauda, Emerson Fittipaldi and James Hunt; these guys were heroes to people in every other country in the world except the US. But I loved them, their heroic exploits, their triumph and tragedy.

As a teen living in Lexington KY; where did you get Formula 1 (F1) coverage? Road & Track was months behind in coverage due to its monthly format, ABC’s coverage was sporadic, so where could you turn? I found a magazine, razor thin and published weekly, it was called Autoweek. I think I found the only place in Lexington that carried the magazine and spent my hard earned money every week on the latest edition. What I discovered was coverage that recapped the race one week after it happened. One week, it was like a God send. I would grab the issue, turn past the features section in the front and the ads in the middle to the motorsports section in the back of the magazine and immediately read the F1 coverage. I was hooked.

There was this team, they drove black and gold cars and man…they were the coolest looking race cars ever! And they had technology, the first ground effects cars, meaning they used an inverted airplane like wing to actually suck the car to the track for better handling. There were the Lotus 77 and 78 and I loved the drivers, Mario Andretti and Ronnie Petersen. I was actually at the Italian GP in 78 when Ronnie had that horrific accident that later claimed his life. We knew something was wrong when we saw the column of rising smoke and the noticed that the cars moved past at a much reduced speed, the race already black flagged.

I had moved to Italy and discovered there were whole magazines dedicated to F1, like Autosprint, in Italian no less. It forced me to learn how to read Italian a bit faster than normal; that is if I wanted to understand what was written. And the Italian press dissected the race down to the individual lap. And if Ferrari won, it was a brilliant victory justly deserved and if they lost, it meant that the Vatican had not prayed hard enough and as the racing pundits surmised, that someone was surely going to be sacked, the blame placed on some poor unsuspecting mechanic that had turned the most important bolt in the car in the wrong direction. RAI Uno (the main Italian TV station) covered EVERY race live, with excited announcers telling their listeners that the Ferraris were going to win every race, unfortunately there were other cars on the track, mostly in the way, hindering the progress of the Ferrari’s on their way to victory. It was pretty one sided reporting. Even I got that…

There was this other team, a small outfit, underfunded but plucky, run by the scrappy duo of Frank Williams and Patrick Head. I pointed them out to my step-dad. He scoffed, saying they would never win a race…ever. But they had this new sponsor, Saudia Airlines and they gave Williams a lot of blank checks, with only one instruction – Win. Well Williams Engineering did go on to win a couple of races and a few driver’s championships and constructor’s championships along the way. He was wrong, very wrong and I enjoyed reminding him of that…every chance I got. Their drivers were my drivers and I loved all of them: Alan Jones, Kiki Rosberg, Carlos Reutemann, and of course Nigel Mansell.

Ahh, Nigel, the British Lion, Red 5, the Policeman from the Isle of Mann. He was my favorite driver of all times. I would live and die based on how he did in a race. It was amazing to watch, his natural rivals, Alain Prost and Aryton Senna would spring from their cars, looking fresh, ready to go again. I actually took a picture of Senna doing a summersault coming down from the podium at the 1991 US GP in Phoenix. But not Nigel, sometimes he would have to be helped from his car. He gave every race all he had, there was nothing left at the end, he’d left it out there on the track. Bathed in sweat, he wrung every ounce of performance from the car and himself. He was my F1 hero.

I will say that the one thing that has changed watching F1 has been Speed TV. Man I love those announcers, Bob Varsha with the play by play, the sardonic David Hobbs and the former F1 team mechanic Steve Machett providing color. These guys have been together for years and it shows; they really know the sport. But let me tell a quick story. Sometimes Speed cannot carry a particular race for some silly reason or another. It fell to another network, I think ABC had it and they had some other announcers calling the race. What I recall was some TV personality named Jason Priestly (remember he used to be on Beverly Hills 90201 and maybe did a celebrity race or two in a Toyota) being pulled in as the “color” guy. This “car-guy” had absolutely no idea about any of the inside aspect or knowledge of F1. Besides focusing on what earrings the driver’s girlfriend was wearing, they showed little of the actual race action. I remember that at one point a particular driver was running away with the race and most of the front runners where on Michelin shod tires and all the Bridgestone shod teams were way back in the pack…way back. With about 15 laps left (which is pretty much means at the end of the race) he actually said that he thought the Bridgestone guys could make an impact on the race and fight for the overall win. Really? With an interval of almost a minute? In F1, that may as well be an hour. What a moron. I hate coverage other than Speed TV and we collectively cringe when we hear another channel is providing coverage, unless Bob, David and Steve are doing the commentary that is.

After Mansell faded from the F1 scene, I was in search of a new hero. I was never a huge Senna fan. I respected his talent and hated it when he died driving a Williams. I think it still haunts Frank and Patrick. But there was this new kid, this fearless German and he won back to back titles with the upstart Benetton team. His name of course is Michael Schumacher. By now I had kids of my own and they followed F1 with me and we all watched Michael week after week. Yes we got sucked into that red Tifosi Ferrari fever. If Ferrari did not win, all was lost and we hung our heads all week wondering if the world would ever be right again.

But he rewarded us year after year after year after year. This guy is a machine and won a record 7 World Driver’s Championship titles, two in 1994-1995 with Benetton and five (!) from 2000-2004 with Ferrari. His records for most championships, most race wins, most points scored, most poles, most fastest laps will probably never be equaled (unless another German F1 sensation Sebastian Vettel can do it). Even in 2006 Michael was still in the hunt to win a record 8th World Championship and during the next to last race in Japan was dueling with the upstart Spaniard Fernando Alonso. My boys and I were on the edge of our seats when all of the sudden with only a few laps remaining, Michael’s engine blew up in spectacular fashion. A Ferrari engine failure? It had not happened since the 2000 season. My boys and I agree that Ferrari wanted to make room for new blood on the team and someone in Modena flipped a switch…causing the failure. We were collectively heartbroken and we still believe in the switch conspiracy to this day.

After Michael retired, we cast around for a new hero and we really do like Lewis Hamilton, but we rallied behind Jenson Button in the upstart Brawn Racing entry. After a huge start winning 6 of the first 7 races in the 2009 season, he held on (just barely) to win the World Championship. Those last few races were nail biters as it seemed that three other drivers including his long suffering teammate Rubens Barrichello made a run on Jenson’s point total. But they all come up short. I will long remember him singing Queen’s “We are the Champions” as he took his cool down (victory lap) after coming in 5th in the Brazilian GP and (finally) securing the Championship. By the way, Jenson is no singer; he would not make it too far on American Idol or The Voice. But the guy can drive a race car.

We still follow Jenson, but it looks less and less likely he will win another race. There are new fast guys and they are all fellow World Champions too. Guys like Lewis, Fernando and Sebastian and a few older guys like Jenson, Michael (will still think it was a mistake for him to come out of retirement) and Mark Webber entertain us week after week. I love F1, probably always will. It is no doubt a somewhat irrational love, but if you gotta love something, it may as well involve tiny, really fast cars with huge slick racing tires, giant wings and stickered with sponsor logos from nose to tail.
See you all next week.

Life with Porsches: How I became a car nut

I come by auto fanaticism naturally. My mom’s second husband was French after all. Come on…the 1960’s, a French guy that smoked Gauloise cigarettes, cooked incredible French food and looked like a French movie star? Of course he knew how to work on cars too. He seemed born to it. In 1967 he bought an Austin Healey 3000 Mk III, medium blue with a dark blue leather interior. The car was only 4 years old, but it may as well have been 100. It was broken all the time. How could this nearly new car spend so much time with its hood open, its insides being exposed? Easy…Lucas electronics. The Prince of darkness, the Earl of sitting on jack stands.

He worked on it each weekend to get it running again; it seemed to work on the weekdays and if by magic broke down on Friday evening. I remember that it required a lot of tools and parts that seemed to only come from a place very far away and it came with a lot of dirty fingernails and broken knuckles. And it required a lot of money…which we did not have much of.

But when it ran; it was like nothing else. That sound, the deep basso thunder of the inline 6-cylinder motor, that impossibly low exhaust hanging just centimeters from the ground and for me at least, those tiny buckets in the back that were supposed to be seats…with no seat belts. Ah…the 60’s.

We drove it once from St. Louis to Lexington, KY one summer so I could meet my real father. I remember sitting in the back, hanging on, looking at the speedo seeing 120 MPH on the dial. The wind rushing not so much around me, as though me. Funny, I was not even afraid of falling out. I trusted him completely.

Back home in St. Louis, he took me to a European car dealership and while he bought some parts (believe it or not), left me alone to wonder around the cars that were for sale. Oh…that magical moment, the beauty, shapes that could only be described as other worldly. I touched a Lamborghini GT350 and actually sat in it. I put my hands around the steering wheel and gear shift, but dared not move them, fearful that I might break something. I saw a bright red 275 GTB/4. A real Ferrari! Something my step-dad had only talked about. But here it was right in front of me. And nobody was looking! I slowly clicked open the door and climbed inside.

I was transported into another world; this was beyond anything I sat in before. The first thing that hit me was the smell. Then yards of leather and chrome, that huge thin rimmed steering wheel, the wood smooth to the touch, the impossibly tall chrome shifter set into the grated gear pattern, all unmistakable Ferrari. I breathed in, it smelled of hand cut leather, rubber and a faint whiff of oil; intoxicating perfume for a 7-year old. I just sat there soaking it all in. There were other great cars on the show room floor; Maserati’s, Lotus (Loti?), Jags. But what did it for me was the Lamborghini and the Ferrari. I was hooked! Smitten with the beauty of the shapes the Italian houses produced. No muscle cars for me. Oh I appreciate the brute speed, but I still lust after them funny fer’in cars.

So you see, it was all a set up after all. I would be car guy for life. I came by it naturally too. I have the tools, the dirty fingernails and broken knuckles to prove it. Oh and I have owned 9 Porsches too. But that is another story. Until next time.